In general, I would say I like storms. I like the sound of the rain. I like the sound of the thunder. I like seeing the beauty of lightning jagging through the sky. It's awesome. It's breath-taking. It's beautiful.... until it gets too close. Then it's scary. It's too close for comfort. It can even be deadly. It's time to run for cover and hope it passes without hurting you. Of course, I'm referring to the weather, but the parallels to life's storms are amazingly similar. I've watched people go through storms and marveled at the peaceful way they've handled them. I've watched them grow and stood in amazement at the beauty of a life transformed by something so difficult. But when the storms touched my own life, I wasn't so sure anymore. I've been touched by several, but cancer was a storm I never counted on. It's just one of those things that always happens to someone else. The very word "cancer" is enough to bring fear. As much as God has grown me through this personal storm, I certainly wouldn't have chosen it. Of some things I am very sure...God is in control and His Word is true. One of my favorite Scriptures is 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: "Praise be to....the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." What my family and I have gone through does not stop with us....we are to use whatever God allows in our lives to share Him with others. My husband and I are praying for each of you who are reading this....that you will be encouraged and comforted, that you will be drawn to Christ, and that God will be glorified.
In August of 2008, my sweet husband and I were thrilled to find out we were expecting a precious baby! This was baby #5 and we were a bit surprised. I feel very young, but at my obstetrician's office, I'm classified as "advanced age". :) I felt great, except for the fact that I found a lump on my breast at about the same time. I thought it was nothing, but my obstetrician sent me to a surgeon, who determined that it needed to be removed the very next week! The scariest part for me was the fact that I was having surgery while pregnant. I was 13 weeks along and the doctors assured us the baby would be fine. The lump turned out to be malignant, so the doctor removed two lymph nodes, which were also malignant. We were devastated and terrified, but as we chose to trust the Lord in this, we were given the most amazing peace I've ever experienced. Then two days after surgery, I started bleeding and thought I was losing the baby. To say I was upset is an understatement. We went to the emergency room in the middle of the night, then to our doctor the next day, and all tests showed the baby was healthy and completely fine!! We were so relieved and thankful! Our doctors here sent us to a bigger hospital in a bigger city for further testing. My obstetrician and surgeon are both wonderful, godly men, and we were warned that the doctors at this hospital might recommend abortion. Even with the warning, I felt sick inside when they did....for the purpose of aggressively treating the cancer. God created this baby, and it is not my right to take his life. My life is not more important than his. When we said no (emphatically so), they suggested that I go ahead and take chemotherapy duing pregnancy and said the baby would probably be fine. "Probably" was not enough. (We never went back to those doctors.) We prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I think I cried almost all day, everyday while praying and thinking it over. The doctors said the pregnancy hormones could spread the cancer, but I never had a peace about treatment during pregnancy. My dad told me that he loved this unborn baby, but that I was his "baby" and he wanted me safe. I understood that, but in the same way, this was my "baby" (the 5th child, just like I was to him) and I never wanted to do anything that might harm him. The moment we decided to wait until after the baby was born for further treatment, the peace returned. I know it was God's peace because it cannot be explained and brought me so much relief and joy. I was able to just rest.
The rest of the pregnancy was perfect, and on March 30, 2009, our miracle baby, Silas, was born. This precious boy was so prayed for all during the pregnancy. We know God has great plans for his precious life. We felt wrapped in the prayers of God's people and we are so thankful. Just a few short weeks later, I had extensive testing and more surgery to determine if there was any spreading of the cancer. One lymph node was malignant, and it was removed. This, to us, was a miracle!! It could've spread all over by this point, but we know that God kept it contained in one spot. I felt completely healed and wanted to be done with it all, but at my doctor's and husband's urging, I had a full round of chemo and radiation to be sure all the tiniest cancer cells were destroyed. I know this was the right decision, but I railed against it. I didn't want to be sick anymore, I didn't want to lose all my energy, and I didn't want to lose all my hair! God, who is in control, held my hand through it all, gave me energy I didn't have (and an amazing husband) to take care of our little ones, and comforted me so that I could, in turn, hopefully comfort someone else. He also gave us a great sense of humor through it all, which, I'm convinced, is vital to sanity! We have laughed at so many things that probably shouldn't even be funny. Laughter really is like medicine!
God is so real. Psalm 46:1 says that He is an "ever-present help in trouble". It is true. Though I cried to Him, even screamed to Him at times, and questioned why, He held me close and never let me go. I felt His presence constantly. A dear friend prayed that I would feel God's breath on my neck. What a precious picture! I'll never forget. Isaiah 26:3 says that God will give me perfect peace as I keep my mind on Him and trust Him. Another great truth! When I started listening to the world's wisdom, I felt panicked and went right to all the what-if's. When I trusted in God's wisdom and filled my mind with tthe truth of His Word, I felt His peace again. My husband, my children, my extended family, my church family, and people literally all over the world were praying for me. I am more assured than ever of the power of God and the power of prayer. After my treatment was over, I went through more scans and was thrilled to find out that I am completely healthy and cancer-free!! We are so very thankful and in awe. Jesus is my Healer, but more importantly than that, He is my Savior and Lord, no matter what my life's circumstances are. Without Him, I am nothing. Our prayer is that if you're reading this and don't know Jesus as your Savior, you will hear Him calling you and will place your trust in Him today. This is the greatest transformation ever!
After my diagnosis, word was spreading and people were praying. I got a precious card and CD in the mail from my sister-in-law's Sunday School teacher, whom I had never met. Her husband had gone through cancer and this song had really ministered to them. My husband and I popped in the CD and cried all the way through the song. We still can't hear it without crying. The words are powerful and true. It is called "Peace in the Midst of the Storm", sung by Kim Hopper. Our particular storm is unique to us, but you may be going through something similar or even totally different. A storm is hard, no matter what it is. I want to leave you with the words to the song that was sent to us. Please know that I am praying for you.
"Even though the winds aren't still and the waves continue tossing me
From the storm I call His name for relief from things distressing me
Now so quietly it comes...strength to find my course again
Though He does so much for me...His sweetest gift will always be...
Peace in the midst of the storm...Peace in the midst of the storm
I cry to Him for mercy...
His great Love takes the form of peace in the midst of the storm
What tomorrows hold they hold. Joy and sadness coming day by day
But I will not be afraid though I know some storms will come my way
Let my enemy be sure...I will not be lost at sea.
There will never come a time that with prayer I cannot find...
Peace in the midst of the storm...Peace in the midst of the storm
I cry to Him for mercy...
His great Love takes the form of peace in the midst of the storm
Such peace in the midst of the storm"
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